Union Jack

     English Wordplay ~ Listen and Enjoy

Creative Writing Course - University of Wales 2010/2011

As the culmination of the Writing for Radio module, we selected three scripts to produce in January 2011.  They are Man Versus War by Stuart Jones, I Remember by Rachel Williams and Which Old Witch? The Wicked Witch by Kimberley Wright

To listen to I Rememember and the first half of Which old Witch? click on the titles above then on the the Microphone images.  The second half of Which old Witch? and Man versus War are still in preparation.

MAN VERSUS WAR

PRODUCTION TEAM

Writer: Stuart Jones Director: Shaun MacLoughlin
Studio Manager: Tom Bennett: Broadcast Assistants: Susan Allen, Hayley Bunting:
Music and pre recording: Jennifer Moran Spot effects and Publicity: Bethan Davies

CAST

HAL WASHINGTON: Craig Prosser MONTY PHILLIPS: Stuart Jones
DR. CHANG: Eric Hester THE NURSE: Fran Keirle
HANOI HANNAH and MRS. PHILLIPS: Susan Allen VICKY WASHINGTON and RADIO DJ: Morgan Finley

SCRIPT

AMERICAN FORCES VIETNAM NETWORK: Hey there boys don't forget to keep your boots tight, your gun loaded and don't let ol' Hannah scare you. A dedication now to all the SEALS down there in special ops, here is-
HANOI HANNAH: Good morning G.I. Joe, it appears you have been misinformed about the goings of the war-
DR. CHANG: The survivors said you never leave Vietnam; you just learn to live there.
OPENING SOUNDS OF THE JUNGLE, CRICKETS AND LIGHT RAIN.

THE SOUND OF A MOSQUITO BUZZING BREAKS THE MONOTONY AND GETS STEADILY CLOSER TO THE MIC, FOLLOWED BY A LOUD HAND SLAP.
HAL: Damn jungle, if the Viet Cong don't kill us the mosquitoes will.
MONTY: I still can't believe we're here man, I was only taking psych last semester and now I'm locked in a cage in the middle of the Devil's back yard.
HAL: They told me we were gonna be heroes, rescue a nation from a commie dictatorship. 'Cept I get the feeling our rescue attempt wasn't that welcome.
MONTY: Are we gonna die here Sarge?
HAL: Everybody dies someday Private; I just wish I knew what it was I was dying for.
MONTY: We're dying so that the western world can retain its capitalist socio-economic background and repress the growing socialist movements within the Eastern World.
HAL: Huh?
THE JUNGLE SOUNDS FADE OUT
MONTY: (Interior) This buffoon really doesn't get it, we're here because of the money. It's always about the money or Religion or something else that rubs the super powers the wrong way. Hal keeps promising that he's working on an escape tunnel but any hole deeper than two feet fills with water in this Hell so I hope you've brought your swimming trunks Sarge.
THE JUNGLE SOUNDS RETURN SUDDENLY
MONTY: Money Sarge, it's all about the money.
HAL: You're too smart Private that's your trouble. What we need out here is John Wayne not Albert Einstein.
IN THE DISTANCE MACHINE GUN FIRE CAN BE HEARD WHICH BLEEDS INTO THE SOUND OF PILLS BEING POURED INTO A PLASTIC CONTAINER. A DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES SOFTLY.
NURSE: Right then gentlemen, here is your medication it will help you -
NURSE'S VOICE BECOMES DISTORTED AND MERGES INTO THE UTTERANCES OF A VIET CONG PRISON GUARD.
GUARD: Sao chống Mỹ tường! Sao chống Mỹ tường!
THE CAGE DOOR CLOSES WITH A CLICK
MONTY: Oh look what a surprise! Chefs done us rice a la fungal with a side order of cockroaches délicieux!
HAL: Always the comedian eh Einstein? Why don't you shut up for two seconds and eat. Then we can work on the tunnel.
MONTY: Come on Sarge that tunnel looks more like a latrine than an escape route, why don't we tackle the guard next meal and make a run for the vehicle pool.
HAL: You know for a genius you can really be dense sometimes Monty. They'd riddle us with holes before we even made it across the compound.
BRING DOWN JUNGLE SOUNDS
MONTY: (Interior) You weren't this cautious when you had our platoon charge that Cong machine gun nest were you Sarge? But I guess I would be careful too after getting everybody bar two souls torn apart by hot lead. Lucky we snagged that tree root and tripped eh Sarge?
BRING JUNGLE SOUNDS BACK UP
HAL: It just isn't worth the risk Private.
MONTY: Since when has our freedom never been worth the risk Sarge? Isn't that what they say this war is all about? Personal liberty. I have a Fiancée, you have two daughters that need their daddy and the only thing standing in our way is one shell shocked guard who would never see us coming!
THE JUNGLE SOUNDS FADE OUT AGAIN AND ARE REPLACED BY THE HOSPITAL TANNOY
HOSPITAL TANNOY Could the families of Sergeant Hal Washington and Private Montgomery Phillips please meet Doctor Chang in the observation room please?
HAL: I just heard those voices again Private, the one's that tell me this Isn't real I-
THE CRICKETS AND RAIN BEGIN TO FILTER BACK IN
MONTY: You stink way too bad for me to believe this isn't real Sarge. Don't let that interrogator Chang get under your skin, its Commie brain washing nothing more.
HAL: I know I -
DR. CHANG: I'm afraid there is little change in their condition. We are reluctant to separate them because their trauma based hallucinations are too complex and require both of them feeding into it to stop a psychotic break. They are both still convinced it is nineteen seventy-four and continue to playback their escape over and over.
MRS. PHILLIPS: It's been nine years doctor (SOBS) Will I ever get my Monty back?
SUDDEN RAT-A-TAT OF MACHINE GUN FIREONCE AGAIN ALONG WITH JUNGLE NOISES MERGING INTO THE SOUND OF PILLS IN THE CUP.
MONTY: Sshh! Here he comes
NURSE: Good evening boys, I hope you're both ready for bed
THE SOUND OF SCUFFLING FEET AND A THUD ARE HEARD FOLLOWED BY THE SOUND OF PILLS SCATTERING OVER THE FLOOR.
HAL: Go! Go! Go!
THE NURSE'S SCREAM OF ALARM BLEEDS INTO THE SHRILL CALL OF A JUNGLE BIRD AND THE SOUNDS OF A DOOR BEING RATTLED.
DR. CHANG: They try this at least once a day. Usually the nurse is prepared but they had been so quiet the last couple of days we thought there might have been some progress
VICKY WASHINTON: I heard that certain drugs can quiet their terrors and that some vets had been released back to their families. Do you think my dad could?-
DR. CHANG: That is true but unfortunately the nature of their psychosis means that they would be a danger to themselves and others around them.
MRS. PHILLIPS: I hate myself for thinking this but part of me wishes that Monty had been killed (SOBS) he had such a brilliant mind
VICKY: Dr Chang, how can our government deny that my dad and Monty made a sacrifice? They gave their sanity to keep us all free-
DR. CHANG: There were wrongs and losses on both sides Miss Washington, I don't think either government will ever accept responsibility for what happened, I just try to put the pieces back together.
THE SOUNDS OF THE JUNGLE RISE UP LOUDLY
MONTY: We're nearly there Sarge, I can see the truck!
THE SOUNDS OF FEET RUNNING AND MACHINE GUN FIRE
HAL: Head for the cab Einstein!
THE TRUCK STARTS UP AND THE ENGINE NOISE COLOURS THE DIALOGUE
MONTY: They've got RPG's I hope we're heading in the right direction Sarge.
HAL: I heard from some of the other prisoners that we're still evacuating troops from Saigon.
MONTY: From Saigon to Minnesota and our heroes welcome Hal
HAL: Fresh beer! Burgers off the grill.
MONTY: Sophia Loren!
HAL: And my Vicky waving a victory flag, it'll be the cutest damn thing you ever saw Private.
SOUNDS OF A TRUCK SPLASHING THROUGH WATER AND THE FAINT SOUND OF A HELICOPTER
MONTY: Wooo! We made it Sarge, we're gonna be ok!
HAL: Thank Jesus Einstein.
AN EXPLOSION DROWNS OUT THE SOUND OF THE TRUCK
ARMY MEDIC: We have men down I repeat men down! Get those guys out of there now.
THE SOUND OF MACHINE GUN FIRE MERGES INTO THE SOUNDS OF PILLS BEING PUT INTO A PLASTIC CUP
DR. CHANG: Gentlemen, you are no longer in Vietnam. You are in a recuperation home in Minnesota and its nineteen eighty-five. You made it home soldiers.
HAL: Go to hell commie! You can't brainwash us into staying quiet we'll escape from here one day.
DR. CHANG: I hope you do trooper. I hope you do.
SOUNDS OF THE JUNGLE, CRICKETS AND LIGHT RAIN.

THE SOUND OF A MOSQUITO BUZZING BREAKS THE MONOTONY AND GETS STEADILY CLOSER TO THE MIC, FOLLOWED BY A LOUD HAND SLAP.
HAL: Damn jungle, if the Viet Cong don't kill us the mosquitoes will
MONTY: I still can't believe we're here man, I was only taking psych last semester and now I'm locked in a cage in the middle of the Devil's frickin back yard.
HAL: They told me we were gonna be heroes, rescue a nation from a commie dictatorship. 'Cept I get the feeling our rescue attempt wasn't that welcome.
MONTY Are we gonna die here Sarge?
THE SOUNDS OF THE JUNGLE GRADUALLY FADE AWAY
DR. CHANG: Upon its end in 1975, it is estimated that at least twenty percent of returning veterans from the Vietnam conflict returned with post traumatic stress disorder. Labelled as a menace and robbed of their heroes welcome many of these men were shepherded into whatever institutions would take them and forgotten.

For these brave men, the Vietnam War will never be over and some 9,000 have succumbed to suicide from depression or feelings of guilt. These are the men that are not remembered on a memorial but gave their sanity for what they believed in.
VOICE OVER FADES INTO CREDENCE CLEAR WATER'S HAVE YOU EVER SEEN THE RAIN

THE END
I Remember
CLICK TO LISTEN TO
I REMEMBER

I REMEMBER

PRODUCTION TEAM

Writer: Kimberley-Anne Wright Director: Shaun MacLoughlin
Studio Manager: Tom Bennett Music and pre recording: Rebecca Jennnings
Spot effects: Kay Davies Publicity: Julie Bainbridge
Broadcast Assistants: Fran Keirle /
Carli Drew

CAST

EMILY HARPER: Rachel Williams NEWSREADER: Jen Baldry
BRIAN JOHNSON: Craig Prosser GEORGE JOHNSON: Alex Riley
PC JONES: Glenn Saitch MRS HARPER: Alex Riley
OFFICER: Phil Morris

SCRIPT

SCENE ONE

PAST
Ext. Woods, Night

(SOUND OF A HEART BEATING AT NORMAL PACE. IT IS INTERRUPTED BY THE SOUND OF SOMEONE RUNNING AND A TWIG SNAPS AS THE BEATING HEART STOPS)
EMILY: What are you doing? Go away... Just leave me alone for once.

(WE HEAR A SECOND SET OF RUNNING FOOTSTEPS)
EMILY: Seriously. This is ridiculous (pause) What the hell are you doing? Put that down…I'm sorry.

(WE HEAR EMILY TRIP AND FALL. BOTH SETS OF FOOTSTEPS STOP AND THE HEARTBEAT STARTS UP AGAIN IN THE BACKGROUND GETTING QUICKER)
EMILY: (aside) Shit… (aloud) Please, you don't want to do this. Just put it down and we can talk, ok? Stop it, please you're scaring me. No…wait, please... Don't!

(THE HEARTBEAT GETS LOUDER FOR A FEW SECONDS, SLOWS THEN STOPS ALL TOGETHER)
SCENE TWO

PAST
NEWSREADER:Today, local police have launched an investigation into the mysterious disappearance of a Newport teenager. Fifteen year-old Emily Harper was last seen leaving her home yesterday evening, and has not been seen or heard from since. Police are urging anyone with information to come forward…

(THE REST OF THE REPORT FADES OUT)
SCENE THREE

PRESENT
INT. UNKNOWN LOCATION

(THERE IS THE WHIRRING SOUND OF A TAPE RECORDER THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE SCENE)
MRS. HARPER: I remember the day my Emily went missing. I'd spent the morning doing her breakfast, seeing her off to school, doing all the housework. It was just like any other day really…I don't get out much you see. I didn't really have much of a choice after Emily's dad left. Not that I'm not complaining of course. I loved my Emily. She was all I had…
SCENE 4 EXT. THE WOODS DAY

(WE HEAR RUNNING THROUGH THICK WOODS FOR A FEW SECONDS BEFORE IT STOPS)
BRIAN: (panting) George! What the hell are you doing? We need to get out of here right now.
GEORGE: Oh my God…that girl…
BRIAN: George! Seriously, we don't have the time. Move it now or we are gonna be in deep, deep shit.
GEORGE: I can't… My legs…they feel funny… All that blood…

(WE HEAR GEORGE VOMITING. IN THE BACKGROUND WE HEAR MORE FOOTSTEPS RUNNING AND THE STATIC FROM A POLICE RADIO)
PC JONES: Over there! Two suspects on foot heading towards the river. Don't let them get away.
BRIAN: Shit, cops. George, run for it!

(WE HEAR THEM RUNNING AWAY FOR A FEW SECONDS. SOUND FADES)
SCENE 5

PAST
NEWSREADER: The search for missing Newport teenager Emily Harper, has today been brought to a horrifying close. Just hours after she was reported missing late last night, police discovered Emily's body less than a quarter of a mile from her home. It is believed that she had been bludgeoned to death with a large blunt object. It appears that two young boys were discovered in close proximity to Emily's body and had tried to flee from the scene. However, they were soon apprehended and have been taken in for questioning…

(THE REST OF THE REPORT FADES OUT)
SCENE 6

PRESENT
INT. UNKNOWN LOCATION

(THERE IS THE WHIRRING SOUND OF AN OLD TAPE RECORDER IN THE BACKGROUND THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE SCENE)
MRS. HARPER I remember when those two boys were taken in to custody. Everyone was so shocked that boys so young could be capable of such a thing. Personally, I have a more realistic view of people. We all have a skeleton or two in our closet best left there, don't you agree? (pause) It's deathly cold in here… Sorry, where was I? Ah yes. I can't seem to stop myself feeling guilty about Emily's (pause) passing. Maybe, that's why I came here today. Maybe telling you can make the guilt go away.
SCENE 7

PAST
INT. POLICE STATION
OFFICER: So let's go over this again Brian. You claim that you just so happened to be in those particular woods this morning where the body was found?
BRIAN: Yes. And that's the truth.
OFFICER: Don't you agree that this is all a little suspicious?
BRIAN: I guess. That's why I ran off I suppose. I panicked.
OFFICER: Are you sure that's what made you so jumpy?
BRIAN: Look, mate. I've told you the truth but you don't believe me. What's the point?
OFFICER: It's hard not to be suspicious, Brian, when all the evidence points to you and your brother. Everything adds up, doesn't it?
BRIAN: Oh my God. No! Why won't you just listen to me?
OFFICER: (pause) If it wasn't you, why didn't you just stay and explain that you were innocent?
BRIAN: Oh and you would have believed me I suppose? As long as you pigs can get away with it, you'll arrest anyone to look good.
OFFICER: That's not how the law works Brian. Now come on, why were you really in the woods so early this morning?
BRIAN: (sighs) I told you. I didn't want to go to school so we went to hide in the woods until our Mum had left for work.
OFFICER: I see... And how is that you just so happened to stumble across the exact spot where the body was found?
BRIAN: It was a coincidence, like I said.
OFFICER: Coincidence? I'm not a strong believer in coincidence myself. I believe in cold hard facts.
BRIAN: Well, I've given you the facts. Do with them want you want. All I can tell you is that I'm innocent and so is George.
OFFICER: Is that so? I mean that's just quite hard to believe. What is this now, your seventh offence in the past 6 months?
BRIAN: Just listen to me you stupid bastard. You are wasting your time here. You've got this all wrong. Shouldn't you be out there looking for the real killer or something? I want my lawyer.
OFFICER: (chuckling to himself) Very convincing, Brian. I didn't think that you'd be very forthcoming with the truth. Maybe I'll go and see if your brother is going to be a bit more cooperative.

(INTERVIEW ROOM DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES)
SCENE 8

PAST
INT. POLICE STATION

(WE HEAR GEORGE'S INTERVIEW ROOM DOOR OPEN AND CLOSE. WE ALSO HEAR A CHAIR BEING DRAGGED ACROSS THE FLOOR AND THE OFFICER SITTING DOWN)
OFFICER: Hello George. Look, I need your help. Do you think that you could do something for me?
GEORGE: I…I don't know. What do you want mister?
OFFICER: Well, If I ask you a few questions, do you think that you could answer them for me?
GEORGE: Yes, mister.
OFFICER: Good lad. Can you tell me why you ran away from us in the woods this morning?
GEORGE: I...I was frightened. And Brian told me to. He said that if we got caught, we'd be in lots of trouble.
OFFICER: And why did he think that you'd be in trouble, George?
GEORGE: Because of that girl. The one in the woods.
OFFICER: You mean Emily Harper?
GEORGE: Yes. Emily.
OFFICER: Why would you be in trouble because of Emily, George?
GEORGE: Cos we were by her body. And Brian said you'd think we'd done it.
OFFICER: But why would he think that?
GEORGE: He said it was gonna look 'spicious that we was there.
OFFICER: Alright George. Can you tell me why you went to the woods today? Why so early in the morning?
GEORGE: Brian wanted to go. He said he wanted to show me something. And that we had to go early so we didn't get seen.
OFFICER: And what was it that Brian wanted to show you, George?
GEORGE: I don't know. We didn't really get very far before we seen the girl.
OFFICER: The girl? Was she…alive…at this time.
GEORGE: I don't… I don't know. She was already lying down…and bleeding… She…she was staring. Her eyes were all black and red and…and…
OFFICER: And did Brian say anything to you? Is that what he'd wanted to show you?
GEORGE: (sobbing) No…I don't know… Brian wouldn't hurt anyone and she was hurt…she was really hurt…
OFFICER: It's OK, George, it's ok. You've done really well.
GEORGE: I don't want any more questions. Please… don't make me answer any more questions mister. I can't…
OFFICER: Ok, don't worry, George. You've been very helpful already. Just sit tight and I'll be back in a minute.

(THE DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES AND WE HEAR GEORGE BURST IN TO TEARS)
SCENE 9

PRESENT
INT. UNKNOWN LOCATION

(THERE IS THE WHIRRING SOUND OF AN OLD TAPE RECORDER IN THE BACKGROUND THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE SCENE)
MRS. HARPER: I remember thinking how certain it was that those boys would be found guilty. Everyone else didn't know what to think. They all came to me, said they were sorry about Emily, said they hoped that those boys got what was coming to them. Two-faced bastards. I know what they were all saying behind my back. They wanted them to get off. Thought they were too young to be in prison, but somebody needed to pay. Someone had to be punished for murdering my little girl.
SCENE 10

PRESENT
INT. POLICE STATION
BRIAN: What are you on about? That's bullshit. I didn't do it.
OFFICER: Brian it's no good denying it. You lied to us. You lied in your interview and you're lying now. You didn't want to skip school this morning did you? You wanted to show your brother something in the woods didn't you? You wanted to show him what you'd done to poor Emily Harper. Isn't that right? Can't you at least…

(THE INTERVIEW ROOM DOOR BURSTS OPEN)
PC JONES: Guv, stop, stop. You aren't going to believe this. Follow me, there's something you really need to hear.

(THE OFFICERS CHAIR SCRAPES ACROSS THE FLOOR AND WE HEAR THE TWO OFFICERS RUSHING AWAY)
SCENE 11 Int. UNKNOWN LOCATION

(A HEART STARTS BEATING AT NORMAL PACE AND FADES TO BACKGROUND)
MRS. HARPER: Yes I remember the day my Emily died all too well, but there's something that I forgot to mention. We'd been arguing that day. I told her that she wasn't allowed out that night. She was always out and we needed some quality time together for once (pause) She started getting annoyed. She said I was too controlling. That she didn't want to hang out with her mother, that it wasn't normal. I told her that she could argue all she wanted but we were going to spend some time together. She wasn't having any of it. She told me that she…that she hated me. She said that she couldn't wait to leave home. She wanted to leave me after I looked after her for all those years, after all I gave up for her. (pause) God I can't take this cold any longer. I'll turn the heating on shall I?
OFFICER: Mrs Harper. Where exactly is it that you think you are?
MRS. HARPER: Oh… yes how silly of me. I keep forgetting…
OFFICER: What do you remember after the argument, Mrs Harper? What happened next?
MRS. HARPER: Oh yes of course (pause) I remember getting very angry with her. She tried to leave but I wasn't finished talking to her this time. She was always trying to defy me. Ever since she was little she could get away with murder….
OFFICER: Please, go on Mrs Harper, you are doing great. Do you remember what happened next?
MRS. HARPER: She ran into the woods behind our house. I followed her.
OFFICER: Did you call her back Mrs Harper? Did you try and talk with her?
MRS. HARPER: No, no, I don't think so. I think I was too angry to talk. She tried to talk to me though. She tried to say that she was sorry.
OFFICER: And did you forgive her, Mrs Harper?
MRS. HARPER: No. I knew she didn't mean it. She was just scared. I needed to teach her a lesson. She always talked her way out of things. It was what she did.
OFFICER: Ok Mrs Harper so what did you do next?

(THE HEARTBEAT IN THE BACKGROUND BEGINS TO QUICKEN)
MRS. HARPER: Um… I can't really recall very clearly. I was very angry you see. I remember picking up a stone. A big stone from the floor. Emily started to run. She was very frightened. I went after her. She fell. And then I…I remember standing over her… I remember the frightened little look on her face. But she just wasn't sorry. She was pretending so that she didn't have to be punished. She wanted to get away with it. I lifted up the rock and I…I…
OFFICER: Mrs. Harper?
MRS. HARPER: It's ok. I remember. I hit her. I hit her over and over and over until she stopped screaming. She just wouldn't stop screaming. (whispers) Oh my God.
OFFICER: (whispers) Oh my God.
MRS. HARPER: She went quiet. She went to sleep. I remember now...I remember who killed my daughter (long pause) It was me.

(THE HEARTBEAT SLOWS BACK TO NORMAL PACE AND SOUND FADES)
SCENE 12

PRESENT
NEWSREADER: Today, the mother of Newport teenager, Emily Harper, has been arrested for her daughter's murder. It has been reported that Mrs Harper went to the police station early this morning of her own free will, and confessed her crime. It is not yet clear what drove Mrs Harper to kill or what the consequences may be. One thing, however, does remain perfectly evident; that this will be forever remembered as the most brutal and unnatural crime that a mother could ever commit.

THE END.
Which old witch
CLICK TO LISTEN TO
WHICH OLD WITCH? THE WICKED WITCH.

WHICH OLD WITCH? THE WICKED WITCH.

PRODUCTION TEAM

Writer: Rachel Williams Director: Shaun MacLoughlin
Studio Manager Tom Bennett Music and pre recording: Kim Wright
Spot effects: Kay Davies Publicity: Sadie Jarvis
Broadcast Assistants: Lauren Kirkpatrick / Bizzy Day

CAST

Harriet Jen Baldry Ben Craig Prosser
Paramedic 1 Alex Riley Paramedic 3 Sadie Jarvis
Policewoman Lauren Kirkpatrick Nurse Fran Keirle

SCRIPT

SCENE ONE EXTERIOR OF A CRASH SITE. CAR CRASHING. PEOPLES SCREAMS AND MURMERS AND SIRENS.
PARAMEDIC 1: Everyone stand back please. Airway clear. Charging 360.
SOUND OF A DEFIBULATOR
PARAMEDIC 1: Clear: Charging again. Can a paramedic please go check on the other passenger?. (SHOUTING) Can everyone please stand back!.
HARRIET: (Internal Voice) Arrghhh what are they doing to me?
PARAMEDIC 1: Clear.
HARRIET: Clear?
DEFIBULATOR SOUND AGAIN.
HARRIET: Oooh. Ow!
PARAMEDIC 1: She's responding. Get the spinal board.
HARRIET: Whose responding? Me? Why haven't I been responding?
PARAMEDIC 1: Right can we put her in the ambulance with the other passenger who is also fine just has a neck injury.
HARRIET: Other passenger? Who was I with? What the hell happened to me?
SCENE TWO INTERIOR OF A CAR.

CHESNEY HAWKES "I AM THE ONE AND ONLY" IS PLAYING. A MALE IS SINGING ALONG TO THE TRACK BADLY.
BEN: Who I really am, don't tell me I know best
I'm not the same as all the rest

I am the one and only
Nobody I'd rather be
I am the one and only
You can't take that away from me
HARRIET: (SIGHS) Awwh for god's sake.

BEN SINGS LOUDER.
HARRIET: Do you hve to do that?
BEN: Do What?
HARRIET: Sing like a cat peeing on a tin roof?
BEN: I always thought you liked my singing.
HARRIET: Well I don't.

MUSIC CONTINUES WITHOUT BEN SINGING ALONG
BEN: Where we going anyway Harry?
HARRIET: You know where we're going, and you know I don't like you calling me Harry. I'm not a boy Ben.
BEN: Sorry.
(Internal Voice) Bloody hell someone is
HARRIET: Can you change the CD please?
BEN: I like this song. I've put a good song on the CD next, I only burnt it on my laptop ye......
HARRIET: (Interrupting) Just change it.

"I AM THE ONE AND ONLY" STOPS PLAYING "ITS MY LIFE" BON JOVI FADES IN AND CONTINUES AS BACKROUND NOISE.
BEN: Harriet, are you okay?
HARRIET: Yes, fine.
BEN: You sure? It's just you seem stressed.
HARRIET: Well of course I'm stressed. I have to drive a million miles away to see the wicked witch of the west.
BEN: My mother's not a witch.
HARRIET: She is Ben, the woman hates me.
BEN: Don't be silly she's doesn't.
HARRIET: Well it's funny how I've been with you five years, and I still get referred to as the bitch.
BEN: No she doesn't.
(Internal voice) Well only every time she rings.
HARRIET: Well anyway she still doesn't like me anyway.

HEAR CAR HORNS TOOTING AND BLASTING

Awwh come on you idiots. The lights are on green.

(PAUSE)
BEN: Har this aint just about my mother is it?
HARRIET Why you say that?

CAR HORNS AGAIN

Awwh Come On.
BEN: Will you Stop shouting at the traffic.
HARRIET: (SIGHS)
BEN: Just calm down.
HARRIET: (INTERNAL VOICE) Maybe I would be calm if I could just tell him about the baby. How do I tell Him? It's now or never.
(ALOUD)Ben.....urmmm I don't know if I've got good news or bad news . I think it's good news, but if you don't think it is then we'll find a way around it and....
BEN: (Interrupting) Babe will you stop babbling and just tell me what's wrong.
HARRIET: The thing is I'm ....

NOISES REPEATED AS THE BEGINING. CAR CRASH, SIRENS AND PEOPLE.
SCENE 3 EXTERIOR BACK TO THE CAR CRASH SITE
HARRIET: Ben. That's who I was with, where is he? Gosh there's a load of police around now.
POLICEWOMAN: (TALKING INTO WALK TALKIE) Bravo 698 we do have a confirmed accident. Lorries break failed and collided into the queuing traffic. Not had chance to speak to the suspects yet. Male and female Late twenties.
HARRIET: Late twenties? I'm 23!
(IN A STATE OF PANIC) Argh I can't move my lips. I can't talk!
PARAMEDIC 3: Hi Love I'm Anna. We're just taking you to hospital, Just stay calm, you're in a lot of shock, don't try talking, just relax you're going to be alright.
BEN: (Shouting) Harriet!
PARAMEDIC 3: Please put your oxygen mask back on.
BEN: Harriet!
HARRIET: Ben? Ben. It's Ben.
BEN: Harriet!! Oi I want to see her.
PARAMEDIC 3: You will when you reach the hospital.
HARRIET: (SHOUTS) Ben!
(INTERNAL VOICE) I spoke, I just spoke!
SCENE FOUR INTERIOR OF A HOSPIAL
SOUND OF A HOSPITAL MONITOR BEEPING
BEN: You want more water?
HARRIET: No thanks.
BEN: Well I never expected this to happen (pause) Just think least you didn't have to see the Wicked witch of the west.

BOTH START LAUGHING
HARRIET: I'm sorry about that, she's not a witch.
BEN: She is (PAUSE) Har before we crashed you were telling me something.
HARRIET: You know me always babbling.
BEN: This seemed important, what did you want to tell me?
HARRIET: (Sighs) Ben I'm ......
NURSE: (INTERRUPTING) How are we doing dears?
BOTH: Fine thank you.
NURSE: Awwh good you know where I am if you need anything. You pair have been through an ordeal, so glad that the three of you are alright.
BEN: Three?
NURSE: Well I'll pop back later to see how you are.
BEN: Three? Harriet why did she say three?
HARRIET I was trying to tell you before the crash... the thing is Ben ..
BEN: (INTERRUPTING) Harriet are you pregnant?
HARRIET: Yeah I am. (PAUSE) now you've gone all quiet on me.
BEN: Well that explains all your mood swings.
HARRIET: I haven't been moody.
BEN: You have. (PAUSE) It's good. You have. (pause) It's good.
HARRIET: What me being moody?
BEN: No - the baby
HARRIET: Really?
BEN: Yes, I'm just glad the nurse said baby is ok.
HARRIET: Yes we are.
BEN: If it's a girl I want to name it after my great aunt Gertrude.
HARRIET: You have got to be joking.
BEN: Lucky for you I am
HARRIET: Thank god

THEY KISS
NURSE: Now that is lovely. Just letting you know you've got a visitor.
HARRIET: Who?
NURSE: I didn't quiet catch a name.
BEN: What do they look like?
NURSE: Well it's a lady, middle aged, short blonde perm, wearing a skirt suit.
BOTH: Awwh No, It's the wicked witch of the west.

Student Plays

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We recommend the following, which can ordered from Amazon.co.uk :

We also recommend the following radio scripts: Polaris by Fay Weldon in Best Radio Plays of 1978, I Never Killed My German and Of the Levitation at St Michael's by Carey Harrison in A Suffolk Trilogy, The Village Fete by Peter Tinniswood in Best Radio Plays of 1987, Cigarettes and Chocolate by Anthony Minghella in Best Radio Plays of 1988, Death and the Tango by John Fletcher and Song of the Forest by Tina Pepler in Best Radio Plays of 1990 and In the Native State by Tom Stoppard in Best Radio Plays of 1991.  Sadly some of these scripts are out of print.  However you should be able to order them from your local library

We also recommend the recording of Lee Hall's wonderful first radio play, I Luv U Jimmy Spud.  Lee went on to write the screenplay of Billy Elliot.


The Well Tempered Audio Dramatist

We also recommend:   The Well-tempered Audio Dramatist by Yuri Rasovsky, a Guide to the Production of Audio Plays in Twenty-first Century America.  The book features chapters on every aspect of audio drama production including Project Management, Microphone Techniques, Casting and Sound Effects. You can read the entire text online at The United States National Audio Theatre Festivals..